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# 4 1 2 - T h e  T e  O f  P a c e y


Please note: I had this script on my HD. I don't remember where I got it from, so if you want to provide a link to its original site, E-mail me. Thanks!
[Pacey's Place - Pacey is sleeping on the couch when Joey sits on the edge 
with a plate in her hand. On the plate is a single Hostess Cupcake with a 
single candle lit.]
Joey: Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear, 
Pacey…
Pacey: Jo! Go away, Jo!
Joey: You better make a wish before I set this couch on fire.
Pacey: My wish would be for no further acknowledgement of today's hallow 
symbolic meaning as a milestone in the life of Pacey Witter.
Joey: (she blows out Pacey's candle) Okay. Except now that you've told me 
your wish, it can't possibly come true.
Pacey: I understand your naïve enthusiasm. Okay? I know there's no harm in 
celebrating a birthday, right? Everybody does it. What you don't know is 
that every birthday I've had since I was 10 years old has been a complete 
disaster. I'm talking gut wrenching, soul searching, question the universe 
agony.
Joey: Oh, well at least you're not being dramatic about it.
Pacey: For example, my 12th birthday party. My first boy/girl party. I ate 
so much pizza and ice cream, I puked on Justine Sherman. A girl who I had 
a massive crush on. Do you remember this? She then proceeded to call me 
Pacey Pukey for the rest of the year. A quaint little name that my family 
picked up on, and now resurfaces itself every year around this time, to 
hardy laughs all the way around. Of course, it's probably not as bad as 
16. The year that I threw myself a party and nobody decided to show up. 
This is good. Oh yeah, I also failed my driver's test the same day. But 
neither of those will ever, ever be 14. The day I was mauled by a dog. So 
if you don't mind, this year, I think I'll just skip it.
Joey: Hmm. No.
Pacey: Well, there may be one way we could avert disaster. If you and I 
were to spend a quiet evening alone, here.
Joey: I promise. Just you and me. (she hugs him with a skeptical look on 
her face)
[Dawson's house - Jack and Dawson are walking down the stairs.]
Jack: Is that grin of yours in anticipation for a certain date with 
Gretchen tonight, huh?
Dawson: I don't know if it's anticipation or nervous terror?
Jack: What's to be terrified about? You guys kissed and she agreed to go 
out on a… I get it, I get it.
Dawson: What do you get?
Jack: Well, it's… Pacey and Joey. Small matter of do they know yet?
Dawson: No, that's not it. I'm terrified because it's our first official 
date, I haven't seen her since the kiss and there's a massive build up. 
Pacey and Joey… if they ask me I'll tell them. And Gretchen will, too. 
It's really not a big deal.
Jack: Wow. Sounds like a great plan. Let me know how it goes, okay?
[Pacey's Place - Pacey and Joey are sitting at the table for breakfast. 
Gretchen stands in the kitchen. Pacey is going through the mail, oblivious 
to Joey and Gretchen talking.]
Gretchen: So Jo, got any big plans for Pacey's big you know what day?
Joey: He's made me promise no big events and stuff. So, probably just a 
quiet night alone, just me and him.
Gretchen: I can't believe he still thinks there's some kind of birthday 
curse on him.
Joey: I know, pretty ridiculous, right? But, what are you going to do, 
though. (she notices a weird look on Pacey's face) What?
Pacey: Oh, nothing. I'm cool. I'm just going to go put some shoes on. (he 
rushes out of the room with a letter in his hand)
Joey: (rushing over to Gretchen) What are you doing tonight?
Gretchen: What do you mean?
Joey: I'm throwing a last minute surprise party for Pacey at your parent's 
house and I want you to be there.
Gretchen: Oh, Jo! Bad idea! My parents are insane and Pacey will kill you!
Joey: I know, but you see, it was your mom's bad idea. She called me and 
she was so excited and so sweet. What was I supposed to say?
Gretchen: You could say no.
Joey: I already said yes.
Gretchen: Well, this should be interesting.
Joey: Please come. I need as many friendly faces as I can get there. You 
don't have any plans, do you?
Gretchen: (quickly) Plans? Tonight? Me?! No, God, no. I'm… pathetic. I 
don't have much of a life. Nope. No plans. No one going out with me.
Joey: So you can come?
Gretchen: Yeah, of course I'll come. You know, maybe it'll be fun.
Joey: Good.
Gretchen: Pacey is going to kill me, isn't he?
Joey: Oh yeah, you're dead.
[Gram's House - Jen and Grams sit in the kitchen crafting. They are 
working on some decoupage.]
Grams: Mmm, I love this song.
Jen: What are you so happy about?
Grams: I'm happy because you agreed to do these fun Saturday afternoon 
crafts. You know, when I was a child, my grandmother taught me how to do 
the art of decoupage.
Jen: Well, I don't think I'm so good at it. (she shows it to Grams)
Grams: No, that looks fine. So, what are your big plans for this evening?
Jen: Hrm… well, unfortunately I've got like 5 more hours of community 
service which means that my Saturday night will be spent chauffeuring a 
bunch of drunk kids home from illicit teenage parties. It's for this 
organization called Responsible Ride.
Grams: Well, that sounds like fun.
Jen: I don't know. I mean, all these lame hours of community service and I 
don't feel like I've served the community once or learned a thing. It's 
just a big fat waste of time. (after a moment) Okay, what is with you?
Grams: With me?
Jen: Yeah, come on. You're all flighty and spacey and… My God, you are 
thinking about sex, aren't you?
Grams: Jennifer…
Jen: What? It's nothing to be ashamed of, Grams. When two people fall in 
love it is perfectly natural to daydream about sex.
Grams: I will admit, I do enjoy Mr. Brooks' company. But I most certainly 
am not in love. And for the record, we are not having sex.
Jen: Be that as it may, I do have to ask. Have you had the talk?
Grams: What talk?
Jen: The safe sex talk. Grams, it's a prerequisite these days. Plus, you 
got to find out with this guy is into. It could be kinky. Could be S&M, 
toys…
Grams: Stop! Now I know what you're trying to do. You're trying to freak 
me out. Because you hate decoupage or because you hope to be grounded so 
you can get out of community service tonight…
Jen: Did you just say freak me out?
Grams: …Well it's not going to work. Because when it comes to safe 
sexuality, I've got my bases covered. And when it comes to decoupage, the 
more you practice, the better you get. AND, when it comes to community 
service tonight, you're going.
Jen: You are very sneaky, you know that? You just turned around that 
entire conversation without ever having to admit that you were day 
dreaming about sex. I'm impressed.
Grams: (smiling) I've learned from the best.
Jen: Well, that's true.
[Leery's Fresh Fish - Gretchen is working behind the bar when Dawson walks 
in.]
Dawson: Hey.
Gretchen: Hey! Well, hello there handsome. 
Dawson: Hi. I, uhh, I came by to see where you'd like to be taken on a 
date this evening.
Gretchen: Right, the date.
Dawson: Yes, the date. Don't sound too excited.
Gretchen: Oh, no, of course I'm excited. I just, umm… There's been a 
slight change of plans. You see, my parents decided to throw Pacey a 
surprise birthday party. Joey was going to tell you about it, but I told 
her I would, cause…
Dawson: Because we're going. Okay. Uh, not much of a first date, but…
Gretchen: You know, I was thinking, actually, maybe we could postpone the 
whole first date thing.
Dawson: Why would we want to do that?
Gretchen: Well, look, Joey and Pacey don't know about us yet. You know, 
and I'm not sure that his birthday party is the best place to come out of 
that particular closet.
Dawson: Yeah, but it's not like it's a secret.
Gretchen: Yeah, but nobody knows.
Dawson: Jack knows.
Gretchen: Well nobody else knows.
Dawson: So this means we should hide it?
Gretchen: No, not so much hide it, just not tell anyone… yet.
Dawson: Okay, but in my experience, sneaking around is the best way to get 
caught doing anything.
Gretchen: Well, we wouldn't be sneaking around. And… we're just postponing 
things.
Dawson: Alright, is this about Pacey and Joey or is this about your family 
and you being ashamed to be on a date with me?
Gretchen: I'm not ashamed! Dawson, come on. You know my family. I mean, 
they're insane. Besides, yeah, this does have something to do with Joey 
and Pacey. I mean, I think we need to be sensitive to them.
Dawson: Sensitive to them by lying to them? Gretchen, I've never known you 
to be anything other than straight forward. What's going on?
Gretchen: Look, I'm just not ready to go public with this. I mean, you can 
still come to the party and everything, I just…
Dawson: Yeah, but if it's something you feel we need to hide, than it's 
something we shouldn't be doing in the first place. (Gretchen just looks 
at him) I'll see you tonight. (he walks out)
[Responsible Ride - Jen is discussing her service with one of the 
workers.]
Woman: Once you and your partner are on the road, we'll keep in touch with 
your walkie-talkie. Okay?
Jen: Mmm-hmm.
Woman: Do you have any questions?
Jen: No. I think I'm all set. Ready to round up some drunks.
Woman: Well. If you'll excuse me, I have some paperwork to do. You're 
going to be riding with this young man right here. (she points to Toby)
Jen: Toby!
Toby: Hey! My, my, look what the cat dragged in!
Jen: What are you doing here?
Toby: It's the best place to pick up boys! The drunker the better!
Jen: I hear ya! (the lady walks away) So, uh, really, what are you here 
for?
Toby: Mmm, sadly, I am actually volunteering here of my own free will. 
What can I say? I'm a Good Samaritan.
Jen: Well, good for me. Maybe you can serve to brighten these last few 
lame hours of indentured servitude.
Toby: Ahh, I live to give.
Jen: Actually, you know what? There's this birthday party that, if we're 
in the neighborhood making our rounds, we can stop by and Jack is going to 
be there and I know he'd love to see you.
Toby: Oh, you think? We didn't exactly hit it off the first time.
Jen: Well, maybe this time will be different.
Toby: Jen, not all homosexuals have to be friends with each other.
Jen: I know that.
Toby: Plus, I'm still not entirely convinced Jack's gay. I mean, maybe 
he's just pretending, for the social cache. You know, for the chance to be 
a rebel outsider.
Jen: Okay, wait listen. Okay, I know that you guys had your differences, 
but… Jack is a great guy. He's fun and funny and built like a Greek god. 
But, more importantly, he's lonely.
Toby: Please! Tell me you're not trying to set us up.
Jen: I'm just trying to set you guys up as friends.
Toby: Good. Cause I'm taken. And Greg is extremely jealous.
[The Witter Residence - Joey is leading Pacey blindfolded around a house 
to the front door.]
Pacey: Where are you taking me?
Joey: And why would you be blindfolded if I was going to tell you?
Pacey: I thought that we agreed not to celebrate?
Joey: Well, uhh, I changed my mind.
Pacey: Do I at least get to guess?
Joey: You can have once guess.
Pacey: Perhaps a remote dock. You brought some candles and some champagne, 
and birthday cake that you are going to feed to me by hand, while 
serenading me, off-key of course, dressed only in Victoria's Secret 
lingerie after which, you will lay me down under the stars and ravage me.
Joey: Close Pace. Very close. (she takes the blindfold off and he realizes 
he's at his parents house. She leads him into the house. Mr. Witter is 
sitting in his armchair in front of the TV. No one else seems to be 
around.)
Mr. Witter: Oh, you're here. Surprise.
Mrs. Witter: (walking in with the no-neck monsters) Oh, shoot. We missed 
it.
Kid: Surprise!
Mrs. Witter: Surprise!
Jack: Happy birthday, Pace. Surprise! (Pacey and Joey stand there 
awkwardly. One of the no-necks come running at Pacey and hit him in the 
gut. Pacey doubles over in pain and the family laugh.)
Doug: (walking in through the front door) Hey! There's my birthday cursed 
little brother! Oh, I can't wait to see what disasters befall you on this 
joyous occasion. Well, let the games begin. (everyone moves around 
basically ignoring Pacey and Joey. Joey finally realizes why Pacey didn't 
want to be there. Pacey looks uncomfortable.)
[Witter Residence - While Pacey and his sister, Carrie sit on the couch, 
Carrie eating and Pacey looking uncomfortable, Joey and Jack move about 
the house looking at pictures and such. Meanwhile, the three no-neck 
monsters are wrestling with Dawson on the floor.]
Gretchen: Need help?
Dawson: Okay, yeah, let's just take this out of the hallway.
Joey: (pointing to a picture of a dog with lights around it) Very festive, 
no?
Gretchen: Been there since Christmas '86.
Jack: Oh, that's cute. I didn't know you guys had a dog.
Gretchen: Had being the operative word.
Joey: What happened?
Gretchen: (whispers) We don't speak of that. (to Jack) Help me in the 
kitchen?
Jack: Sure. (they go off to the kitchen. Joey joins Pacey on the couch. 
Mr. Witter walks up and puts his bowl of chips on the coffee table.)
Mr. Witter: No wonder your husband left you, Carrie. You're becoming a 
cow. (she stops eating. Pacey and Joey look uncomfortable) You know, on my 
18th birthday I was trucking through the jungles of Denang. Machine gun on 
my shoulder, 50 pounds of ammo on my back. Saw a lot of tragedy that day. 
But I celebrated that night with a gorgeous, 30 year old Vietnamese 
beauty. Several times, I might add. Now that, that was an 18th birthday.
Pacey: I thought you had to be 18 to join the Army, pop?
Mr. Witter: You calling me a liar, son?
Mrs. Witter: Now, John, just because Pacey isn't out there defending his 
country, doesn't mean he's not a man today. And I know if there were a war 
on, assuming they'd take him, he'd enlist tomorrow. Wouldn't you, honey?
Pacey: Sure thing, ma.
Mr. Witter: (to the TV) Off sides!
Mrs. Witter: Pacey, why doesn't Joanna set the table.
Pacey: Her name's Joey, ma.
Mrs. Witter: That's what I said.
Pacey: Course you did. (Mr. Witter continues to shout at the TV. Joey 
follows Mrs. Witter into the kitchen as Jack and Gretchen come out.)
Mrs. Witter: You kids better not get too dirty before dinner!! Grandpa and 
I will have to give you another spanking!
Pacey: (Gretchen sits next to Pacey) Just kill me now. (Jack smiles and 
sits in a chair he seems to be having trouble with. Mr. Witter looks at 
Jack)
Mr. Witter: (to Jack) Well who the hell are you?
Jack: Me? I'm… I'm Jack, sir. We met awhile back on a fishing… trip.
Mr. Witter: Don't remember. (to TV) What kind of goal-tending is that?! 
(Pacey moves to the dining room where Joey is setting the table)
Mrs. Witter: (from kitchen) More napkins in here if you need them, Josie! 
Help yourself!
Pacey: Do you mind if I ask you just what the hell you were thinking?
Joey: What do you mean?
Pacey: You promised me. You and me, alone, tonight. You looked me in the 
eye and promised!
Joey: Okay. Your family, out of the kindness of their hearts, wanted to 
throw a party for you for your 18th birthday. What was I supposed to say?
Pacey: My family could give a crap about me or my birthday. This is just 
an excuse for my father to get a little bit drunker than usual, have some 
birthday cake, tell me I'm a disappointment and then pass out in his chair 
while watching "When Animals Attack."
Joey: Okay, so they're not perfect. Granted. But they're your family, 
Pace. Don't you get what that means? The least you can do is make a little 
bit of an effort.
Pacey: It doesn't matter what kind of effort I make. I'm still going to 
fail.
Joey: Fail? Fail at what? Pace, what are you talking about?
Pacey: Nothing.
Joey: Look at me. I promise you that we're going to get through tonight, 
together, unscathed. And everything's going to be okay, I swear. Okay? 
(she kisses his forehead and goes back to setting the table)
Pacey: (to himself) Oh, I wish that were true.
[Witter Residence - kitchen. Gretchen finds Dawson there helping.]
Gretchen: Hey. Did anyone ever tell you you are the master at giving the 
cold shoulder?
Dawson: Uh, I'm not giving you the cold shoulder, I'm just mingling.
Gretchen: Yeah, with everybody but me.
Dawson: Am I the only one who remembers our earlier conversation?
Gretchen: I'm just trying to forget it. See, I'm hoping that we can come 
to some mutually agreeable solution for our little problem. Plus, I want 
to kick your ass at Monopoly. (to kids) You guys ready to play? (they all 
cheer and move to go play)
[Minivan - Jen and Toby are on the road, looking for drunks.]
Jen: So, what gives? I'm still waiting to hear about this mystery 
boyfriend of yours.
Toby: Greg? Well, not much to tell, really. I mean, God knows why but he's 
head over heels for me. He's perfect. Jack's polar opposite actually. 
Gorgeous.
Jen: Ah! Wait a minute! You don't think that Jack is gorgeous?!
Toby: Well… in a fratty sort of way I guess. But Greg, he's James Dean, 
you know? Brooding, tortured, deep…
Jen: Jack is brooding and tortured and deep!
Toby: I'll take your word for it. But Greg, he's… he's perfect. Blonde and 
beautiful. He's been out since like, age 12. Yeah, and his mother is this 
famous lesbian who teaches feminist poetry at Harvard. And he's totally 
smart and completely comfortable in who he is. He's just, uh, he's a man, 
you know?
[Witter Residence - Joey opens the front door to find Pacey sitting on the 
steps outside.]
Mr. Witter: (yelling) Hey, when are we going to eat?! (Joey shuts the door 
behind her and moves to Pacey.)
Joey: You know, it's not that bad. We've been here for 45 minutes without 
a major crisis and only 2 hours to go. At the most, 3. So, legally, you're 
not allowed to still be mad at me for throwing this thing.
Pacey: I'm not mad at you.
Joey: You're not? So what's wrong? Why are you so upset?
Pacey: Well, I'm upset because, uh… Cause I didn't… It's just…
Joey: You didn't what?
Pacey: Can we not talk about this right here? Do you mind if we just take 
a little walk? (he takes her hand and they step down to walk off. The 
front door opens.)
Mr. Witter: Taking off to smoke some marijuana?
Pacey: What?
Mr. Witter: Come sit on the couch. I want to talk to Joey. (they follow 
Mr. Witter into the house and sit next to Jack and Carrie eating buffalo 
wings) I just want to thank you for putting thoughts of college in my 
son's head.
Joey: Oh, Mr. Witter, while I'm happy that Pacey wants to go to college, I 
don't think I can take all the credit for that.
Mr. Witter: Well, I gotta blame someone. Cause Pacey's big dreams means 
I'm going to have to finance another drop-out's half-assed education.
Pacey: Gretchen didn't drop out of school, pop.
Mr. Witter: Oh really? Cause I didn't realize that working as a barmaid in 
a fish restaurant qualified as a university education. Than again, I'm 
just an uncouth, uneducated police officer, putting his life on the line 
everyday for the people of this time. What do I know?
Joey: Mr. Witter, I really don't think Pacey will be dropping out. I think 
he's going to do great in college. Just you wait.
Mr. Witter: I appreciate the youthful opportunism. My predication, if he 
doesn't drop out, he'll flunk out. It's a waste of his time and my money. 
(Pacey looks as if he wants the couch to swallow him whole. Even Jack 
seems uncomfortable. Carrie keeps eating)
Mrs. Witter: (walking up) Oh, honey, just because Pacey flunked a class or 
two in high school doesn't mean he's going to do the same thing in 
college. Right sweetie? But I have faith in him. And I know that one day 
my faith will pay off. So no matter how many times you let us down, my 
faith will be there to help pick you right back up.
Mr. Witter: Your faith and my bank account.
Mrs. Witter: Oh John!
Mr. Witter: I'm just saying that Pacey should set his sights on something 
he can accomplish. Like refrigeration and heating repair. (Joey looks at 
Mr. and Mrs. Witter with shock) We always knew Gretchen was college 
material…
Mrs. Witter: Oh yeah…
Mr. Witter: But Pacey. You remember when he was a kid and he wanted to be 
a veterinarian and you always said…
Mrs. Witter: I always said, dog groomer, honey. What about dog groomer?
Mr. Witter: Exactly. Someone has to be the dog groomer. (Realization is on 
Joey's face, as she finally understands why Pacey doesn't want to be 
there)
[Witter Residence - Dawson, Gretchen and the no-neck monsters are 
downstairs. The girl brings out the Monopoly while Gretchen sets up this 
lamp.]
Dawson: So what exactly is this surprise you've got us waiting in the dark 
to see?
Girl: Yeah, we want to play Monopoly.
Gretchen: Oh patience little one. I have something better than Monopoly. 
Watch this. (she turns the lamp on and the room is covered in little stars 
that spin around the room slowly)
Kids: Wow!
Gretchen: Cool, huh?
Kids: Yeah, it's beautiful.
Gretchen: My grandmother, your great grandmother, gave me this gift when I 
was a little girl. And we would sit down here for hours staring up at the 
stars and she would tell us a story. It was about a princess named 
Isabella. You see, Isabella was a star dancer. She was meant for a life 
dancing among the stars. And she was blessed because she could fly from 
star to star. But she was cursed, too. Because for every star she'd visit, 
there'd be another one she left behind. And that was her plight. Forced to 
live eternity dancing among the stars. Free as a bird. But alone. Tragic, 
huh?
Dawson: Not really. Think about all the stars she got to visit and how 
much better she made the lives of the people she met there.
Gretchen: But Dawson, she leaves.
Boy: If Isabella visits, I don't want her to leave.
Gretchen: Oh you don't, huh?
Girl: Me either.
Dawson: Me either.
Mrs. Witter: Kids! Come wash up for dinner!
Girl: Oh, do we have to?
Boy: We were just getting to the good part of the story! (they rush 
upstairs and Dawson and Gretchen smile at each other)
[Witter Residence - upstairs. Mr. Witter still sits at his chair while 
Mrs. Witter finishes dinner. Pacey stands in the doorway looking glum when 
Joey approaches from behind.]
Joey: Believe me, Pace. You are gonna go to college and do amazing things, 
you know that? And there's nothing they can say about it. You're gonna 
shock 'em all. I know you are.
Pacey: And what if I don't? What if they are 100% correct? And I am simply 
too stupid to do anything worthwhile with my life.
Joey: What are you talking about? Pace, what's going on? This can't just 
be about your birthday.
Pacey: No, it's not just about my birthday. Let's take this to the 
basement. (they go down to the basement. As Pacey turns the light on, they 
find Gretchen and Dawson making out on the couch)
Joey: Wrong room.
Mrs. Witter: (yelling) Dinner everyone! (Joey glances up the stairs then 
walks up it, followed by Pacey)
[Witter Residence - dining room. Everyone moves to sit at the dinner 
table. Mrs. Witter walks in with the main course.]
Mrs. Witter: Okay everybody. In honor of Pacey's birthday, I have made his 
favorite. Chip Beef on Toast.
Pacey: Nope. That's Dougie's favorite. Mine's spaghetti and meatballs.
Mrs. Witter: Ah, ah, ah! When you were a little kid, you always begged me 
to make chip beef on toast.
Pacey: (sarcastically) That's right. I forgot. I always pretended to HATE 
chip beef on toast in a vain attempt to mask my true feelings of love.
Dougie: I loooovvveee chip beef on toast.
Pacey: We've established that Doug. Thanks for the input.
Mrs. Witter: Oh nuts. You know what I forgot?
Pacey: (to himself) Spaghetti and meatballs.
Mrs. Witter: Ketchup. Joanna, will you go grab the ketchup? It's in the 
fridge.
Joey: Sure. (she goes to get it)
Mrs. Witter: Dig in everybody. (Pacey stares across the table at Gretchen)
[Witter Residence - kitchen. Joey walks in and finds Dawson watching his 
hand. She moves quickly to the cupboard.]
Dawson: Joey, hey… Uh, look… I'm really sorry that you had to find out 
about it like that. I don't want you to be upset.
Joey: So what, are you guys like dating now?
Dawson: Well, this was supposed to be our first date, but plans change…
Joey: But you are a couple.
Dawson: Uh, we haven't really defined our relationship yet.
Joey: But it is a relationship?
Dawson: Well, I don't know, listen… (Gretchen walks in)
Joey: Oh! Found it! (she grabs the ketchup and walks back into the dining 
room) Excuse me.
Gretchen: So what the hell do we do now?
Dawson: I don't know. But I think we've moved beyond the should 
we/shouldn't we tell them question. She thinks we're a couple now.
Gretchen: Did you tell her we're a couple?
Dawson: No, I told her we had a date.
Gretchen: So you told her we were dating.
Dawson: I told her we hadn't defined our relationship yet.
Gretchen: And what'd she say?
Dawson: She said, but it is a relationship.
Gretchen: Is it? A relationship?
Dawson: I know what I think. I want to know what you think.
Gretchen: I don't know what I think.
Dawson: I think that this was never about Pacey or Joey or your family or 
coming out of any closet. I think this is about you. And I think you need 
to figure out what you want. (he goes into the dining room. Pacey walks 
in.)
Gretchen: Okay, let's talk about it.
Pacey: Or let's not. Today's not the day, Gretchen. I mean, any other day 
that I was to find out making out on the basement floor with Dawson of all 
people, I would probably freak out. And then we would have words. But not 
today. Today I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to think about 
it. In fact, I'd like to pretend it never even happen, cause frankly I got 
bigger problems on my mind.
Gretchen: Which are?
Pacey: A conversation that I'm supposed to have with Joey, that will 
impact the entire rest of our relationship. Not to mention explain why 
I've been in such a state of utter despair today.
Gretchen: Pacey, what are you talking about?
Pacey: You know what my advice to you would be? To just stick to your own 
dramas because they are much more entertaining. (he walks out)
[Minivan - Toby and Jen now have passengers. They are making out. Jen and 
Toby laugh. Then their passenger changes to some kid.]
Kid: And then, then I realized that she doesn't love me. She loves him, 
though. That's why she was having sex with him in the bathroom!! (the 
passenger changes to two girls)
Girl 1: There's going to be beer bongs, keg stands, body shots! You gotta 
come!
Jen: You know, I think that maybe we should get your friend home.
Girl 1: Oh, she's fine.
Girl 2: I think I'm going to hurl.
Jen: Oh no!!
[Witter Residence - Everyone is in the living room. Pacey is opening his 
presents.]
Kid: Open the next one, hurry! (he does and the family Ooh's. Joey and 
Pacey stare at the thing.)
Carrie: It's an ashtray.
Pacey: (flatly) Yeah. Thank you. I've been meaning to take up smoking.
Mr. Witter: (Joey hands him another gift) That one's from me.
Pacey: (he opens it) Fireworks. Just what I've always wanted. Thanks pop.
Mrs. Witter: You know, I recently read an article in Ladies Home Journal 
that said a fun way to bond with their kids on their birthday was to 
recall a favorite memory from their childhood. (everyone laughs, Pacey 
groans)
Pacey: Oh joy.
Mrs. Witter: I guess I'll go first. And my memory would have to be when 
Pacey was a baby. It was such a relief to finally have a late bloomer. 
Never bothered anybody. Used to fall asleep in cardboard boxes. (the 
family laughs)
Doug: Remember the time we almost left Pace at 31 Flavors? (the family 
laugh) We were practically driving away when this lady flagged us down 
with Pacey just wailing in her arms. I swear we would have driven home 
before we realized he was even gone. (Gretchen is not laughing and notices 
Pacey is not enjoying this. Carrie, Dougie and Mr. and Mrs. Witter carry 
on.) And he was so upset he peed his pants. (to the kids) That's right, 
your uncle, he peed his pants. (the family laugh)
Pacey: Thanks for that one, Doug.
Gretchen: (everyone looks to her) You know my favorite Pacey memory? When 
I was in 5th grade, there was this bully named Max Brody and he was the 
meanest kid you'll ever want to meet. And one day he pushed me off the 
swing set. Hard. I split my lip open. And Pacey, who was in 2nd grade at 
the time, was sitting over in the sandbox. And when he saw Max push me, 
I've never seen anyone run so fast. And he just started punching and 
kicking him, screaming "Stay away from my sister!" That's Pacey. Bravest 
guy I know.
Mr. Witter: Brave and foolish. As I recall, Pacey came home crying because 
that that bully beat the pulp out of him.
Mrs. Witter: I remember that.
Carrie: What about the time that Pacey got up at 5:30 in the morning and 
decided to make pancakes for the whole entire family. (the family becomes 
quiet, but Carrie continues) But he set the kitchen on fire and Scraps 
died of smoke inhalation… (everyone looks around uneasy. Pacey has covered 
his head and Joey looks at him, understand why they never talk about the 
picture of the family dog still on their wall)
Mr. Witter: Alright, I have a Pacey story…
Pacey: Oh enough!! Enough!! As much as I love being publicly eviscerated 
on my own birthday, I think we can all guess what the theme of this happy 
anecdote is going to be. Pacey messes up, yet again!! Am I right? Pacey 
kills the dog or pees his pants or pukes or gets the pulp beaten out of 
him. But you know what else the theme might be? The theme of every 
birthday I've ever had? Or the theme of my entire life for that matter. No 
one gives Pacey a break. Everybody expects the absolute worse out of 
Pacey. Pacey gets the short end of the stick. Pacey gets fireworks and an 
ashtray and chip beef on toast for his birthday and endless harassed 
because how dare he want to go to college so he could possibly get out of 
this place?! But you know what, dad? You and your wallet can breathe easy 
because I don't think I can go to college, even if I wanted to because I 
found out today that the only school I thought would take me, my fallback 
school, rejected me. So I'm not going to college. So I guess at the end of 
the day, you guys are right. I'm going to end up exactly where you thought 
I would. A complete and utter failure. (wipe the tears, Gina. He opens the 
front door to find Toby and Jen)
Jen and Toby: (singing) Happy birthday to you… (Pacey screws his face up 
and rushes past them)
Joey: (rushing to the door) Pace! 
[Witter Residence - Joey is putting on her jacket to follow Pacey. Dawson 
does the same.]
Joey: What are you doing?
Dawson: I'm going with you.
Joey: Dawson, I think I can handle this on my own.
Dawson: You don't have a car. Pacey took yours. Let me take you.
Joey: Fine. (they walk out)
Jack: (walking up to Jen and Gretchen with a plate of cake) Jen. Cake. You 
look hungry.
Jen: Oh, thank you.
Jack: (to Gretchen) You've had some, right?
Gretchen: Yeah.
Jack: (seeing Toby) Excuse me. (walking over to Toby) Toby? What are you 
doing here?
Toby: Well, I'm here to make you uncomfortable, of course.
Jack: I'm not uncomfortable. So, uhh, how's the club going?
Toby: You mean, the gay club? Where all the gay kids hang out and be gay 
together? It's doing smashing. And what about that club of yours? What's 
it called? Self hatred and denial? How is that going, Jack?
Jack: Excuse me. (Go Jack! What a mature thing to do! He walks off, as Jen 
watches.)
[The Mitch Mobile - Dawson and Joey are driving around looking for Pacey.]
Joey: For the record, Dawson, I can honestly say that I don't care right 
now if you and Gretchen are a couple or if you're dating or if you're in a 
relationship, or if you're just periodically groping each other. I mean, 
you guys can run off to Vegas and elope for all I care. I have much bigger 
things on my mind right now.
Dawson: Well, good, cause I have no idea if we're dating or a couple or in 
a relationship because she won't tell me. Every time I get close to 
finding out, she freaks.
Joey: That's the Witters' for you, Dawson. In relationships they tend to 
keep their emotions close and their weaknesses even closer. It's not 
because they don't care, it's just… it's because they care so much. And… 
the good news is that eventually they always tell the truth, whether it's 
often after you've sufficiently ignored all signs that they've been 
suffering.
Dawson: Joey, it's not your fault Pacey didn't get into college.
Joey: I know, but it's my fault that he thinks that he disappointed me 
because I said he'd definitely get in.
Dawson: There's the Potters' for ya. They believe in people more than they 
believe in themselves. It's a real character flaw.
Joey: You know, we should probably just go back. I don't think we're ever 
going to find him out here.
[Pier - Pacey sits on the edge of the pier, where True Love used to dock. 
Mr. Witter walks up with Pacey's jacket.]
Mr. Witter: Here.
Pacey: Hey.
Mr. Witter: I thought you might be needing this. Pacey: Thank you. How the 
hell did you know where I was?
Mr. Witter: Didn't. The station got a call from the houseboat about a 
creeping guy lurking on the docks.
Pacey: Oh.
Mr. Witter: So what are you doing lurking on the docks?
Pacey: I just wanted to be close to the water.
Mr. Witter: I never told this to anyone, and I will personally hunt you 
down if you breathe it to a soul. But I got rejected the first time that I 
applied to the police academy.
Pacey: You did?
Mr. Witter: Yep. Let me tell you, Pacey. It was devastating.
Pacey: I know I'm not college material, pop. I just really, really want 
it.
Mr. Witter: Look, son. I know I've been hard on you about school. It's not 
because I don't think you're good enough to go or get in. Pacey, I just 
don't know if it's the right thing for you. I don't know if it's ever been 
right for you. But ask me if I think you're meant to do great things… 
(Pacey smiles lightly) And by the way, I never did get to tell my 
remembering Pacey story. It was about your 10th birthday. I got you 
fireworks. You said it was the best present you ever got. We set them off 
outback, down by the water and you… you were really happy, Pacey. So I 
was, too. (Pacey thinks about this)
[Minivan - Jen and Toby are back on the road.]
Jen: So what would you think if I made this Responsible Ride activity a 
regular thing?
Toby: What? This from the cynical Jen Lindley? I guess nothing is truly as 
it seems.
Jen: Kinda like how you were very mean to Jack because your whole beau 
Greg is a fabrication…
Toby: What?
Jen: Toby, it's fine. Okay? I know that you like Jack. Why else would you 
go so far out of your way to be mean to him tonight? And why would you 
have invented this fictional character? I mean, come on, a James Dean 
clone? With an award winning poet lesbian for a mom. It's just too good to 
be true.
Toby: Yeah, but it was good.
Jen: When you dream, you dream big. Listen. My advice would be, if you are 
interested in Jack, the best way to get into his life is to be his friend. 
And that requires being nice. And this might be a new concept to you, but 
I think you might find it effective.
Toby: You… you are such a bitch. (he laughs)
Jen: Right back at you.
[Witter Residence - Mr. Witter and Pacey walk up to the house. All seems 
quiet and dark inside.]
Mr. Witter: That's odd. Where did everybody go?
Pacey: My guess would be the Red Lobster. To wash away all memories of 
mom's chip beef on toast. (they both laugh. Pacey walks into the house. 
Everyone pops out and turn the lights on)
Everyone: SURPRISE!! (they sing happy birthday to him as Joey walks 
forward with his half eaten birthday cake with candles lit. He blows them 
out as they finish and everyone cheers. Pacey actually smiles)
[Witter Residence - outside. Dawson is sitting on a log in front of a 
little fire. Gretchen walks up with some logs. Isn't that HIS job?]
Gretchen: You know, I've been thinking. You're right. Tonight. It wasn't 
about my family or Pacey and Joey. It was about me. You see, I know how I 
feel about you Dawson. But I'm scared because what if I leave soon? And as 
much as I want to have this thing, whatever it is with you, I'm afraid 
I'll hurt you when I go.
Dawson: Gretchen, I'm leaving, too. At the end of the year. But that's not 
the point. The point is right now. And right now you're here and so am I. 
So let's make the most of this. You can not be afraid.
Gretchen: Sometimes I don't know if you're wise or just naïve. But I think 
that you're wise. But the real question is, how did you get to be so 
fearless?
Dawson: I wanted Isabella to have a happy ending.
Gretchen: Me too. (they kiss - yes, kiss. Pacey and Joey smoochie.)
Joey: Hey Pace.
Pacey: Hey.
Joey: Sorry I threw you such a bad party.
Pacey: It's not your fault. It's the curse.
Joey: I know how you must be feeling. You don't have to feel that way. 
See, cause one… one rejection isn't anything. It's definitely not the end 
of the world.
Pacey: It's not really about the rejection. That just makes it real. You 
and I are just on opposite paths, Jo. On different roads. And we are 
heading farther and farther away from each other.
Joey: I don't think so. I think both roads lead back to the same place. 
Right here. You and me, Pace. And it won't change, not if we don't let it.
Pacey: But to be honest, it's getting harder and harder…
Joey: Well then we'll try harder. Pacey?
Pacey: Yeah?
Joey: Happy 18th birthday. (they smoochie. The fireworks start going off 
behind them. They walk over to where the family is setting them off. Joey 
puts her arm around Pacey and points up to the fireworks. Mr. Witter puts 
his arm around Pacey on the other side.)
Mr. Witter: Happy birthday, Pace.



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